Q: How many Local Government Ombudsmen does it take to change a Council owned light bulb?
A: The question is irrelevant, Local Government Ombudsmen would never admit that a Council owned light bulb was at fault!
A Local Government Ombudsman was walking through a Council owned forest alone. A tree fell right in front of them......they didn't hear it.
Joke 3Local Government Ombudsman to Council Chief Executive Officer: "Now I've cleared your Council of maladministration, tell me, did you actually do it?" Chief Executive Officer: "After hearing your amazing spin, even I'm beginning to think we didn't.
A selection committee was selecting a new Local Government Ombudsman. They had narrowed the candidates down to a Solicitor, a Barrister and a Council Chief Executive Officer. Each was asked this question during their interview: "What is maladministration?" The Solicitor answered immediately, "faulty administration" The Barrister thought for several minutes and finally answered, "a fault in the process of taking a decision" Finally the Council CEO stood up, peered around the room and motioned silently for the committee members to gather close to him. In a hushed, conspiratorial tone, he replied, "what do you want it to be?"
Nappies and Ombudsmen need to be changed frequently for much the same reason.
A lot has been said about Local Government Ombudsmen; some of it complimentary, but most of it accurate.
Q: What do you call an impartial, open and honest person at an Ombudsman's convention?
A: An intruder.
John passed on and found himself in Heaven. John immediately advised St. Peter that he intended to complain to an Ombudsman but was immediately informed that it would be at least three years before his complaint would be looked at. John protested that a three-year wait was unconscionable. However, his words fell on deaf ears. John was then approached by Satan, who told him that he would be able to arrange for his complaint to be handled in just a few days, but only if John agreed to move to Hell. When John inquired why complaints could be handled so much faster in Hell, Satan gleefully exclaimed, "Who do you think has all the Ombudsmen!"